A Place To Draw Blood Laughing

One of the ways in which I have been feeding my kink fantasies since I was old enough to process conscious thought is by eroticising bit and pieces of the media I’m exposed to. That’s a fancy way of saying, really, that most of my “porn” is snippets of films or random sentences pulled from books I would otherwise have ceased rereading years ago.
It’s especially true of films and television shows, actually. This could be a result of my very demanding need for both realism and adventure; I will happily eroticize characters that I have formed a relationship with over the course of an exciting movie, but weakly written pornography annoys the hell out of me.

(Sidenote: Commonly when people are frustrated or put off they become angry, or any number of other emotions. I become annoyed. My ability to be annoyed is epic, intense, and entirely more serious in nature than the mild word “annoy” can really convey sometimes. This is not to say that I reach this intense level of annoyance every time, say, my waiter doesn’t refill my water glass quickly enough, but I do have a very low tolerance for being annoyed. I felt that deserved a sidenote, because it’s one of those wacky insights into my character that just screams dominant.)

Usually eroticising a portion of a film for me means pulling out a tiny snippet, somewhere between a few minutes and a few seconds, in which something entirely kinky and sexy goes on, and pouring over it. Of course the movie generally continues blithely on as though it has no idea I’ve just gotten myself all twisted up in instantaneous knots. This sometimes makes my theater-going experiences hilariously disjointed. For example, at the end of Pirates of the Carribean 3 Will and Elizabeth spend a bit of quality time on a beach together. During this period of sexy fun time, all of a sudden comes a weirdly random moment of boot and leg worship as Will kisses his way up Elizabeth’s thigh. The result was my internal monologue getting suddenly turned around and stuck, i.e. “Okay, plot, plot, character interaction, yes, this is all well and good, I see where this is - What the fuck? So HOT! No wait, go back! Shit!”

The invention of the DV drive in personal computers is really where eroticising fifteen-second movie clips began to take a dark turn for me. I will occasionally, when the mood strikes me, pop in a favorite movie, skip to a favorite scene, and watch literally 20 seconds of this scene over and over. And over again.

You think I’m joking. I am so not joking.

Why do I do this? Of course it helps that generally the actors in movies are twelve thousand times more attractive than real life people, and at least fifteen thousand times more attractive than most film porn stars. It helps that these moments are on demand, at least to the extent of my DVD collection. But most of all I think it’s a combination of personal connection and absence of guilt. I have a personal connection with the character of Superman because I have known who Superman was possibly since before I could read. (I read at the age of three, so there’s a good geeky insight for you.) So having this character I know so well get beat up by a crowd of roughnecks is appealing, and sexy. But I also know that in the end, Superman’s an actor, he didn’t actually get stabbed with a kryptonite spear in the new movie, and it’s really and truly okay if I want to play that moment of him falling to his knees six times in a row.

(Sidenote: I know, lots of sidenotes today. This should be another post entirely, but the reason I like eroticizing film media generally more than written media is because of the sound. You will see ample proof of this in my list of eroticized moments, coming up below.)

Scene folks ask other scene folks all the time when they first knew they were kinky. Some people have crazy stores about having their fathers tie them up in bathtubs at the age of four. *cough* No one I know. I have crazy stories about dressing my younger brother and his best friend up as my dogs and leading them around the house while pretending I was a princess. But the best, the truest proof that I have been kinky since before I knew what words like “sex” meant are these eroticised moments. I have been doing this for as long as I can remember, all the way back to Planet of the Apes and Star Wars when I was still in elementary school. And I knew there was a reason I always had to watch The Ten Commandments on Easter, every year.
Presented with a fascination as a child that I simply couldn’t articulate, and growing up in a house where opinions on sex were liberal but conversations about sex incredibly rare, it seems that I learned to draw what I wanted from the best available sources even when those sources were esoteric, or entirely banal. In doing so I created a way of thinking that means that even today my ability to follow intricate plotlines can be thrown off by one submissive moment from a romantic lead.

Because I know you’re all just aching to hear them, here follows a very few examples of erotic moments within mainstream (or not so mainstream) film media that I have, over the years, possibly watched more than once. There are only a few, because I will not delude myself into thinking that anyone wants to read the full list.

-Big Fish: During the scene when that guy (Billy Price?) beats up Ewan MacGregor in the daffodil field, there is one shot where Ewan is pulled upwards and attempting very weakly to put his hands in front of his face to defend himself, while trying to say something that sounds suspiciously like, “No, no.” Of course the entire scene is enjoyable, but that one three second clip is my favorite.

-Logan’s Run: Okay, talk about super contained; this is literally a one-second clip. Logan is being threatened by these funny sticks that spray some sort of hurtful gas, and is standing inside a ring on them with his hands over his head while being agressively questioned. He says something in an upset voice, a stick sprays him, and he gasps and flinches. That’s it. That’s all he does. Makes a little whining noise in the back of his throat and closes his eyes. And yet, so hot.

-Superman Returns: Within the larger sexy scene of Superman being beaten up when he finds himself accidently on an island made of kryptonite, there is a shot of Lex Luthor leaning over his while he lays on his back on the ground holding only his head up. Lex leans in a bit, and they have a beautiful little moment of confrontation as Superman struggles to just keep his head from sinking back down into the muck. Lex, the remarkable Kevin Spacey, smiles just a tiny bit. Hot.

XMen 1: Hugh Jackman has woken up from the middle of a nightmare to find that he has accidentally stabbed Rogue through the chest. He calls for help and starts freaking out. Rouge struggles to lift her hand to his face, and as she does so his gaze shifts from her hand to her face and back, possibly from fear of her touching him combined with panicked concern for her welfare. His eyes get bigger and he trembles rapidly. Hot.

Curiously, in writing these down I have discovered a couple of themes. For example, all of these moments take place within longer scenes with eroticizable (it’s a word if I say so) themes. Also, clearly I kink hard on sound, and masculinity, and fear. But then, I knew those things.

And now, I’m off to blissfully browse my DVDs.