Comments on: Mars? Venus? I Think I’m From Jupiter http://bloodylaughter.com/2007/07/06/mars-venus-i-think-im-from-jupiter/ Sat, 13 Mar 2010 15:04:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Jade http://bloodylaughter.com/2007/07/06/mars-venus-i-think-im-from-jupiter/comment-page-1/#comment-1559 Jade Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:28:50 +0000 http://bloodylaughter.com/2007/07/06/mars-venus-i-think-im-from-jupiter/#comment-1559 I grok what you are saying in a lot of this. Often I feel most awkward and large and clumsy around women who are shy or quiet or submissive too. I think for me it must have more to do with some sense of self-confidence, or some self-possessedness (I guess that's a word now). The discomfort I feel is because because they don't give off the air of someone who will assert their boundaries, I feel like I am in free fall. My concept of myself is as someone who is fairly assertive, so when I meet someone who seems give way all the time, I get really nervous. I'm used to a certain amount of push/pushback in interactions - just a sort of subconscious check and balance made up of body language and verbal mannerisms. When that's missing, it's like I can't trust them to set boundaries for themselves, so I have to watch out and figure out where to avoid stepping for them, and to take care of them, instead of trusting them to take care of themselves with respect to my pushiness. I ask "are you sure?" a lot, and feel clumsy and awkward because I don't know what not to do. I mostly feel like this when I am interacting with women in mainstream culture - I generally feel like the people I meet in the kink scene, men and women, project this sense of self that makes me relax a little. I grok what you are saying in a lot of this. Often I feel most awkward and large and clumsy around women who are shy or quiet or submissive too. I think for me it must have more to do with some sense of self-confidence, or some self-possessedness (I guess that’s a word now). The discomfort I feel is because because they don’t give off the air of someone who will assert their boundaries, I feel like I am in free fall. My concept of myself is as someone who is fairly assertive, so when I meet someone who seems give way all the time, I get really nervous. I’m used to a certain amount of push/pushback in interactions – just a sort of subconscious check and balance made up of body language and verbal mannerisms. When that’s missing, it’s like I can’t trust them to set boundaries for themselves, so I have to watch out and figure out where to avoid stepping for them, and to take care of them, instead of trusting them to take care of themselves with respect to my pushiness. I ask “are you sure?” a lot, and feel clumsy and awkward because I don’t know what not to do.

I mostly feel like this when I am interacting with women in mainstream culture – I generally feel like the people I meet in the kink scene, men and women, project this sense of self that makes me relax a little.

]]> By: A Place To Draw Blood Laughing › 2. Women’s Spaces http://bloodylaughter.com/2007/07/06/mars-venus-i-think-im-from-jupiter/comment-page-1/#comment-1542 A Place To Draw Blood Laughing › 2. Women’s Spaces Sat, 07 Jun 2008 15:00:52 +0000 http://bloodylaughter.com/2007/07/06/mars-venus-i-think-im-from-jupiter/#comment-1542 [...] group was a good experience. As I’ve said before, I often have to feel my way around relationships with women very carefully. Curiously, the [...] [...] group was a good experience. As I’ve said before, I often have to feel my way around relationships with women very carefully. Curiously, the [...]

]]> By: maymay http://bloodylaughter.com/2007/07/06/mars-venus-i-think-im-from-jupiter/comment-page-1/#comment-20 maymay Fri, 06 Jul 2007 23:44:00 +0000 http://bloodylaughter.com/2007/07/06/mars-venus-i-think-im-from-jupiter/#comment-20 I know this is not what you intended from this entry, but reading those last few paragraphs describing what you want from women, I can't help but think about how much I'd enjoy that from you--especially the mix of such tenderness with the kinds of play we've often done. On the occasional circumstances that this happens, it's wonderful. I know this is not what you intended from this entry, but reading those last few paragraphs describing what you want from women, I can’t help but think about how much I’d enjoy that from you–especially the mix of such tenderness with the kinds of play we’ve often done. On the occasional circumstances that this happens, it’s wonderful.

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