I’m going to the beach today! Hurray, beaches! Maybe when I get back I will have some hilarious stories about how sand is a great scene tool, or something. So, in the spirit of frivolous day trips, here’s a frivolous entry that I wrote yesterday and didn’t post because I figured to let the computer come down a bit. It was getting hot from the typing.
(Okay, so maybe possibly this is one of four blog posts I currently have written but haven’t posted yet. Did I mention the thing where I’m apparently really good at my job, and still spend all my time writing? But I figured to let you guys rest too.)
I’m kind of fashion obsessed, which in the scene is often code for “I have a lot of black shiny things” but in the context of me actually means exactly what it says. I’m kind of fashion obsessed. I passionately love to people-watch for good and bad trends, I can spend hours debating fabric textures, I design my own clothes. I like how shape and color can modify and accentuate the body. I like that when people wear clothes they adore, for whatever reason, it makes them glow just a little bit.
And I also overthink. And you may not have realized this, but the way you dress can and will convey things about your orientation to the world. I’m smart enough and have enough short skirts to know that being read by your cover is pure fuckupery, but here’s a couple of quick, totally selfish points to make it easier for you in my world. If, you know, you’d like to come visiting.
This is by no means a complete guide; there are plenty of those already. Bitchy wrote one, but I’m too lazy to search her archives at the moment. And also, beach.
Jumping right in -
Everyone:
- Could you stop being obsessed with purple? I ask this strictly as a personal favor. I really hate the color purple. If you like it, hey, awesome, but I get pissed when all the sex toys I could possibly buy come in my least favorite color.
Women:
- Any kind of shoe with a cutesy little strap around the ankle makes you look like a sub. Those little straps are the vanilla man’s ankle cuffs.
- Chokers and short necklaces look submissive, because they recall collars. Also, collars look submissive, which should be fucking obvious but that doesn’t seem to stop prodommes from wearing them.
- You can wear a skirt as a dom. You can even wear a fwooshy, swishy skirt; go for it. But if you’d like to really just nail the issue of dominance home (like if you’re going to a club with a lot of assholes) wear pants. It just saves time.
- I don’t care if it’s not a scene look, but just for me, trash your wedges. For serious. You look like you have chopping blocks strapped to your feet.
Guys:
- Careful with the fall tones. I get that your deep purple (ugh) shirt makes you feel sexy, but you do actually run the danger of looking like a carbon copy of every other dom in the joint. (Other men have caught on to the sexy wonder that is buttondowns.) And although dark colors can be rich and yummy, they’re bloody hard to see under dim lights. You might as well be wearing black at that point.
- Wear more kilts.
- This is the big one. This might possibly be my personal fashion crusade.
Do you own anything that can be described by the three adjectives “black,” “denim,” and “tapered?” Unless what you’re describing is a black denim motorcycle jacket with a tapered waist, take it out of your closet and throw it away. Better yet, just to make sure you don’t rescue it when my back is turned, burn the fucking thing.
Tapered black denim jeans do not make you look sexy. They make you look like a serial killer with an 80s fetish.
Seriously, what’s wrong with black slacks? Black dockers? Black khakis? Or blue jeans? Blue is a lovely color.
Do you think I’m just playing around with you? Do you realize that hipsters in New York Effin’ City wear black tapered jeans ironically, because they’re so ugly? Did you catch that? Those jeans that you think are the end-all-be-all of sexy fun time are being worn mockingly by people my age because they’re just that fucking ugly.
Please. Stop. You’re making my eyes hurt.
And after you’ve cleaned your closet, come to the beach with me.
12 Comments
That’s funny. I had a fashion post rolling around in my brain…although not *this* fashion post. This is a great fashion post, full of the proper amount of snark that every good fashion post should have.
My post is mostly about trying to wear a teal skirt for a year and a half…..
At least it’s not purple. I’d be so embarrassed if it was a purple skirt I’d worked so hard to wear.
hugs, E
I like licking the straps. Chokers and the like I’ve always thought pretty without ever making a power exchange connection. The better she feels she looks the more dominant she feels.
I like pants on women, especially if tucked into boots. But a plain, straight skirt makes me feel very submissive. (No idea why.)
Black (and gray) let me bypass the nuisance of trying to deal with colors. But I don’t wear anything she doesn’t like, e.g., no polo shirts.
Elizabeth -
I want to hear about the teal skirt! Really, there should be more blog air time for teal. It is an amazing color. Our rope is teal. I love it.
Don’t take the purple thing too seriously- it’s my personal snark at the scene :).
Richard-
I agree with you, dominant women should be able to wear whatever makes them look and feel great, and implications be damned. I was more just rambling on about things that make it easier.
I actually have a thing for color, because I paint. So I have a hard time remembering that the rest of the world doesn’t pay attention in the same way I do.
::grin::
I like dressing May. It means he always looks perfectly my-kind-of-sexy. That’s wonderful.
Everything would be simpler if we all wore uniforms. All women ought to dress like Private Benjamin and all men should be naked.
Pan says this isn’t practical - but khakis are *very* practical
Bitchy -
I love the pockets. It’s so funny to see men’s faces when I pull things out of my pockets, like all woman have lost the ability to carry things in places that aren’t a purse.
Perhaps what Pan objects to is not having pockets? You could put together some kind of bag for him to carry so that he can keep things in it.
Perhaps what Pan objects to is not having pockets?
*nods*
That’s what let’s us know that we’re guys - the pockets. I have a pocket fetish, I often wear a photographer’s vest, simply because having 39 pockets turns me on.
Of course, I guess I could get used to Bitchy’s idea of a uniform… if the women were wearing more, you know, leathery uniforms, and I could be naked but still keep my vest.
Gotta keep my new glasses in something, you know?
::tries to picture Tom wearing nothing but a photographer’s vest and glasses::
No . . . sorry. That visual’s just not coming in properly :).
No . . . sorry. That visual’s just not coming in properly :).
You’ve gotta kind of squint a little and bend your head to the left a bit.
Hmm. no, you’re right. Just not working, is it?
Okay, we have serious tealage on the E blog. You were the push I needed.
Now, it’s driving me crazy that the orange header is clashing so badly with it.
By the time you read the post, I may have changed the header to not look so ghastly with the teal image on the post…..which means, yes, I too *overthink*.
E
- Any kind of shoe with a cutesy little strap around the ankle makes you look like a sub. Those little straps are the vanilla man’s ankle cuffs.
Actually, I like those shoes for exactly that reason. ALthough if people don’t know that they’re just silly and/or stupid.
- Chokers and short necklaces look submissive, because they recall collars. Also, collars look submissive, which should be fucking obvious but that doesn’t seem to stop prodommes from wearing them.
Again, that’s why I like chokers. I like how women’s necks look with chokers/collars on. As to why prodommes wear them - that’s beyond me.
i see my boy’s been commenting, and i’d like to contradict him.
i own one pair of shoes that make me feel like i own the universe. they have the little ankle straps. these straps are essential because they keep my shoes on, keeping me from stumbling and therefore forfeiting my claim to ownership of the universe.
chokers make me feel choked, though.
in general, my rule of thumb is that cumbersome clothing makes the sub. if your shoes make you walk gingerly, yea though they seem badass, you are a sub to physics.
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