No, it’s not a glitch.
I’ve taken the blog down.
More information on this will be forthcoming in the next few days.
(After I stop crying so damn much.)
I’m not okay. You don’t have to ask that one. Don’t ask if I’m coming back, though. I don’t have an answer for you. Yet.
I know this is insanely cryptic. Bear with me.
Best,
Eileen
Added 11/26/2007 14:04: Because I keep getting worried and loving phone calls asking this question, let me add that no, Maymay and I are not breaking up.
And also, thank you all for the comments. I’m really touched. And, I have to admit, a little surprised. But sometimes it seems surprise is good.
37 Comments
Oh goodness, what happened? I’m so worried!
I am very sorry to hear that something is wrong. I hope that you can resolve it, or if it’s not resolvable, that you can find a way to deal with it.
I haven’t commented before, but I’ve been reading.
Me: Girl-next-door 23-year-old library science student from the Midwest with an unacted-upon affinity for kink. And more importantly, kinky love.
You: A good writer.
It’s obvious that things aren’t OK, but I hope you pull through anyway. My thoughts are with you.
*hug*
whatever happened, we wish you the best, and send all the love and support we can
–e&z
I’m sorry to hear that, especially after I just discovered your blog. I won’t ask if you’re okay but I do hope you’re better soon.
Oh no! Do you want me to beat anyone up? I’ll totally beat people up for you. In the not fun, breaking kneecaps kind of way. My grampa will help. He knows lots about breaking knee caps. Srsly.
My thoughts go out to you. Your blog’s been a regular read for me, and has helped me through my beginnings in BDSM. I’d hate to see it disappear, but whatever you’ve got going on, I genuinely hope it turns out alright.
Best wishes. Fingers crossed that all turns out OK.
My comment is predictable.
*hugs*
Hoping for the best -
E
Oh dear. *hugs and good thoughts* your way, and I’ll be thinking of you.
xx Dee
I’m sorry something’s gone wrong. I send you good thoughts, if you don’t mind them.
Mate, I hope everything is okay.
Strength and good luck,
top x
Oh dear. Thinking of you, & hoping you sort things out as is best for you.
I’ve been reading via Google Reader lately, and apologize for not commenting more lately.
Let me add my own best wishes for you. Good reiki and all that headed your way.
I admit, my first reaction was selfish: “Oh no! I finally found this brilliant, throught-provoking, beautifully written blog, and it’s gone!”
Okay, then I gathered myself and my main emotion now is just hoping that you will be okay, and that whatever happened has blown over. (Although it sounds bigger than something that blows over in a few days.) I’m thinking of you, and sending good thoughts, for what it’s worth.
Damn. I hate when this happens.
Eileen, whoever you are, whatever you’re going through, whatever nightmare just gripped you and shook you down to your core, you are too special a person to simply disappear.
This strange communication system we are all at the mercy of…it means I cannot even share an email with you; you simply take a step off the planet and somehow all of us feel more empty. I don’t doubt there isn’t a person who is a regular commentor on this blog who wouldn’t want to be your friend. Who wouldn’t want to buy you a coffee and help you talk it out. Who wouldn’t help you cover your rent or spend days helping you pack or load the inevitable trunk. The only thing that keeps these people from doing that, from those who know you in the flesh, is that these people happen to be geographically separated from you.
But just the same, they, and me, we don’t want you to suffer. Or feel helpless. Or lost, or forgotten. Whatever you do, however you choose to disappear…we’re going to go on thinking about you, cherishing your insight and your “sass,” as you call it. If you can, find your way back. You are stronger and better connected than disconnected. You are stronger with pillars to lean on.
Funny. I find myself wanting to beg.
I have enough imagination to connect what you’ve written to what might have happened, but it does no good to speculate. I can say that whatever it is, you’ll find your way back. This moment, what you feel seems overwhelming. You can remember, however, times in your life when you’ve felt this way before. When it seemed that you would never be able to rise again…but you did. You passed through those times, and you will pass through this time. Yes, this might feel worse. But that is because you feel it right now. What you will feel a year from now will be different…and whatever you can do to try and grasp a little of that feeling will offer you the perspective you need to feel strong.
My last offering…perspective. Some years ago, a beautiful person I met online experienced something I cannot begin to relate to. She met a boy online, who lived in Germany. He was everything she wanted. She raised the money to visit him. A few hours before she was to board her flight, she spoke to him, just as he was leaving work. She boarded, flew into Frankfurt…and was there met by the boy’s brother. Who explained to her that her boy had been killed on his motorcycle on his way home from work, less than an hour after she had spoken to him. She was embraced by the boy’s family, who knew all about her. They gave her a place to stay for five days, so she could attend the funeral. Then she returned home…and months later she found herself online again, puzzling what to do with the rest of her life.
That doesn’t help you. It does help understand the human condition is not easy. It is all we have, however. So let me finish by saying that in the comments above this one, there is love. Don’t discount it. We’re all in this nightmare together.
Eileen, I don’t know what it is that is making you cry but I hope that relief of some kind lies ahead. I’ve only recently begun getting into the blog reading thing, and your writing is among those I’ve been starting to explore… I hope to still see you around some time in whatever the medium may be.
Ranai xo
I am so happy to see such encouraging comments. You deserve them.
Obviously we all love reading what you have to say, and would love it if you stayed. But that’s us; we just show up! And it’s work and time and clearly some amount of emotional risk, keeping this blog. I hope you choose what’s best for you.
Just remember that who you are, and what you have to say about it, are not wrong. Whether you post them here or not.
I think I’m too fried to be eloquent, so I’ll just settle for “Meep!”
What Calico said. She’s smart. Take care of your business, and never doubt that regardless of whatever problems your writings may have caused, they’ve also caused quite a few people to think you’re a rather special person. (May’s ok too.)
If you ran, I’d vote for you. Brilliance does not disappear. Surf well.
Take good care of yourself, whatever happens.
Let me add my hugs and concerns to the group - I’ve read for a long time but not commented (as I too read from an RSS feed.) I’ve enjoyed your blog with delight and I am sad to see that things are so rough - here’s sending virtual hugs from a butch switch on the other coast.
Your writing here has touched so many people in such a short period of time. I think I’m not alone in saying that you have been very brave sharing these parts of your life with us. And like others above, I hope you are able to know that these things you have written about are not wrong - everyone has to be themselves.
Your courage has no doubt inspired many to pursue dreams they had dismissed before, or never even knew they had - and I’m not just talking about kink. You’ve helped people think about new ideas, about how they relate to others, about how powerful words can be, and of course about how fabulous this person on the other end of a computer is. Thank you for all of that.
I can’t really add anything to what has been said before, however I wanted to let you know that I miss you, and I hope whatever has happened you can rise above it. *hug*
Oh, no! I’m another lurker; I read you, and Maymay, and Bitchy Jones, because of the intelligent writing and wonderfully *real* talking about sexuality-and-life-and-people-and-relationships. Your blog has been fascinating, thought-provoking, tender, and all-round wonderful. Just - best wishes for whatever it is you’re going through.
Pulling for you here, too, Eileen. bbenn and I look forward to any news. Your voice is appreciated here in NH.
*HUGS*
~~QueSera and bbenn
Tyler just said it way better than I ever could (and I tried for a bunch of hours, and you were very patient).
Curse you, Tyler, for your sudden yet inevitable betrayal!
Just a note to let you know that I am in your corner. I hope everything is okay soon.
Take care of yourself. You are a treasure. You can be sure that all of us, as your readers, myself included, treasure you too — in a very genuine sense that you’ve been so authentic and candid in your brave, sytlih self-explorations we’ve read here week-to-week. Be well and stay brave — and don’t let anyone or anything stop you from writing and givng your gifts to yourself and to others — and there are many of us — who appreciate you and your writing. Don’t stop now. Don’t suppress your writing. Keep putting it out there and keep it up — if not here, elsewhere. Thank you for all that you’ve given us and good luck.
We miss you, but you should take all the time and whatever it is that you need xxx
take care.
I’ve never commented before, only been an anonymous reader. I hope whatever circumstances that have caused upheaval in your life are soon resolved. Thank you for everything you have shared with us in the past.
Oh no! I take a break from the blogosphere for a couple of weeks, and…I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ll add a hearty “hear, hear” to the comments above. Your writing has definitely helped me through some troubled times, and helped me figure things out when I’m feeling lost. It’s times like this that the anonymity of the internet really hits home…rrgh. I hope you can come to terms with whatever’s caused the sudden deletion, or maybe smack it in the head a few times. You know, whatever’s appropriate.
Seriously, though, take care of yourself. You’ll be missed.
First, do what you have to do to take care of yourself. I hope, for my own selfish reasons, that does not involve keeping the blog down forever, but if that is what you have to do to take care of yourself offline and in real life, I will support you 100% in that (which may not mean much to you, but it may mean a lot).
Take care of yourself, because you are wonderful and funny. Take care of yourself because you manage to stay completely human in all you adventures. Take care of yourself because, though every indication I got from this blog and from MayMay, you are a good person and deserve good things in your life.
If/when you come back, I hope to be here to watch it.
I wish you the best of luck in this situation. (hugs)
Joining in with the chorus above to wish you well and quite honestly demand that you return to inspire us who await your wisdom. Please come back. We need you.
I get caught up on my blogs and I find this… I’m gonna miss your posts, they are always thought provoking and enjoyable.
Hope whatever is going on works out for the best for you. Take of yourself!
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