There are many things one cannot do if one is out – but if one has to be closeted to do those things, would one want to? I don’t have an answer.

In the end, I don’t think there is “an answer.” Everybody’s going to have to approach their privacy and their lives individually. Hopefully, though, the environment we make the decisions in will change.

Joscelin-

I’ve read your entries about what’s been happening with your family, and I hope your situation is improving as well. (Seriously, what’s up with Thanksgiving drama?)

I’m glad that what I’m writing is relevant to you, although we’re definitely coming from different situations. And god, it’s hard.

Hey, drop me an email if you ever want to chat more about this stuff. (bloodylaughterblog [at] gmail [dot] com)

Lotus-

You’re proving my initial instinct and the predictions of the awesome folks who commented on my “Absent” entry true. Thank you for the offer, and know that I’ll keep the kindness and the possibility in mind.

Does it make me feel better that we’re the first generation dealing with this? I don’t know. Every generation deals with massive and climactic changes. This one is ours.

There is always something distinctly satisfying about breaking new ground.

When you posted that the blog was coming down I figured it was either family or work that had stumbled on the blog, but I didn’t want to speculate.

On the off chance that you end up out of work due to kink issues, contact me. If need be, I can help you start a small business. I can even (gasp!) do vanilla things.

I’m glad things are coming together for you and you’re going to be able to collect yourself and start moving forwards again. You’re going through something that I was worried about before starting a blog. I’m glad we’re coming to the same opinions. Basically, for me, the freedom to say what I am living honestly is useless unless I exercise the right to be exactly who I am. While my kinky identity is not ALL of who I am, it’s a significant chunk of it. I can’t be blind to the possible consequences, but I also can’t be too afraid of them to move forwards.

If it makes you feel any better, we are the first generation to ever be faced with this issue and we’re the first people to tackle these problems, so we are exploring how to make this all work. We’re the pathfinders, which is harder but also a lot more satisfying.

I can tell you for sure my Dad never worried about how to keep his blog from his parents when he was in college. :)

I’m keeping you in my thoughts. I hope it all works out.

One thing that makes it difficult for me to read your words, and yet so irresistible, is that you seem to be handling things better than I am. Even allowing for a healthy amount of self-censorship for your blog, you are still handling things better than I am. You’re finding ways to forgive your family, and I’m not.

You were able to say that your family raised a “smart, liberal, proud and inquiring child”. Mine? Smart in ways, not at all liberal, proud as all hell, and surprisingly unwilling to inquire. You said that your family did what they did out of love. I can’t say that. I can only say they use love as a pretense to vent their prejudices.

At this point, I’m not even sure I want to repair my relationship with my family. I don’t know if it’s worth the pain I’ll have to endure, even once the “repairing” is finished.

What I read here reminds me of my values. It reminds me that I believe in repairing relationships with people. It gives me ideas how to do it, if it can be done. And it gives me the strength not to walk away entirely.

There are many things one cannot do if one is out – but if one has to be closeted to do those things, would one want to? I don’t have an answer.

These last few posts have demonstrated what a loss you’d be to the internet if you stopped blogging.