And as a Mystress with a male sub.. I’ll join the other’s coming out of the woodwork to wave their hands and jump up and down, and add our voice to those that are out there. I’m afraid we live in Northern California however, a bit far off to have coffee. But would sure love to if it was possible! And have our lovely male subs kneeling and serving it as well!

Like many others, I do not participate in very many public ’scenes’, and no clubs. I prefer Paladin’s service to Me to be in private with just Myself, or perhaps a few select friends from time to time.

While I am now a very strong Dominant woman, I am not a ‘femdom’ sort. Nor as I have written on our blog, is Paladin your ‘regular’ male submissive. He is not remotely inclined to be submissive to anyone I’ve not Commanded him to be. Anymore then a Knight would have knelt in submissive service to any but his Queen.

I think we are all out there.. quietly (or not so quietly) living our lives and enjoying them. And so, do we. And in the spirit of that, I am glad for the blogs that link us, teach us, enlighten us, and through which we can all share our experience’s together to enlighten ourselves and those like minded ones who desire to be. I learn so much from what I read out there. Some of them I just shake My head in amazement at.. and others I bring back to our relationship and find ways to incorporate into us for the betterment of us. Other’s I tweak a bit to suit our own special brand of D/s.

And on that note, I see the hour is late,
So I bid goodnight to all, and wish all the best and continued growth.
Mystress

http://swansmyst.blogspot.com

Fabulous Domme and Her lovely male sub.

Enjoy!

Before meeting my husband I had quite a few femdom relationships, I am looking for that femdom relationship again with a secondary submissive partner.

From the sheer fustration of finding the right submissive male that actually will let me be Dominant in my own fashion and not his script I would say that it’s equally hard to find a real submissive male.

For Axe, just to let you know finding the right partner sometimes does require a quest search.

Having been in two really good M/s with submissive partners, I will continue my quest until I find the right one.

john

Live your life to the fullest. For you.

I suppose it’s silly in it’s way, and doesn’t necessarily increase the chances of meeting someone, but life’s better that way. Yanno?

Perhaps the same dating advice applies [to kinky dating as vanilla dating.]

From what I hear vanilla people saying in their bland nonkinky world? It isn’t exactly easy there, either!

Perhaps I didn’t make my point very well, but my point was that perhaps neither the kinky dating advice nor the vanilla dating advice is really worth a damn, since it’s obviously not very good for anyone, not that the best advice for kinky dating is the same as vanilla dating.

And yet, angst and (important) personal issues aside, the fact remains that Eileen can much more easily find many more “attractive” partners than I can, as can the majority (though admittedly not all) of dominant women who advertise their dominance can do. The inverse is simply not the reality.

Also, Kylociraptor (that is an awesome name, btw!),

I suppose this may be nitpicking, but I think the scarcity of dominant women you talk about may be more common in the pan/het scene. In the dyke spaces I hang out in I know a fair number of dominant women who either don’t switch, or switch but rarely.

I think there’s something to be said for the fact that the scarcity of dominant women out in public scene spaces is more prevalent at pan/het spaces, yet in a women-only community, I’m sure it surprises no one that all the dominants are women…y’know?

The exact same frustrations are voiced, if the criteria are different. Whatever quality it is that narrows their romantic or kink search, is illusive.

Perhaps the same dating advice applies (although if anyone comes out with a kink version of the rules, I’m going to literally LOL): be who you are. Focus on the things you like to do. Meet likeminded people and keep your mind and heart open. Focus on other things in your life, well-roundedness is always a good thing – even for attracting someone. Add in all other cliches and dating advice you like.

It really isn’t all that different.

From what I hear vanilla people saying in their bland nonkinky world? It isn’t exactly easy there, either!

I understand that D/s relationships are different between men and women who are both non-trans, but if you’re looking for more dominant women may I suggest LSM, or some other space for queer women?

Since the discussion revolving around the rarity of dominant women seems to have the ‘rarity’ of dominant women at the center of it… perhaps it is wise to look at it from a slightly different perspective: comparing like to like.

You’re not at all off the mark, Sue II. In fact, you’re so on the mark I think it bears repeating:

The “scene” is largely useless to dominant women who want to find an “attractive” submissive man because the scene is not a place where many attractive submissive men can be found (by whatever definition of attractive the women we’re speaking of hold). The (aggravating) dichotomy in my experience is not dissimilar to vanilla dating, only more pronounced: by and large, men search, women browse.

This creates a situation where submissive men have two main options: look for dominant women in non-kink circles, where the chances of success are pretty much a crap shoot, or look for a dominant women in kink social groups, where the chances of success are similarly poor.

If the anecdotal evidence this post has gathered is any indication, it appears most “attractive” dominant women do not advertise their dominance (which makes sense, it’s clearly not the best way for them to meet “attractive” submissive men). How, then, are dominant women and submissive men going to be able to get together?