Ironically, this is my 100th post.
I am moving to Sydney, Australia in exactly four weeks. I get the feeling, from emails and the like, that perhaps this information has not reached general consumption.
Caught on the tight-wire of leaving my friends and family, packing my life into two suitcases, managing my relationship and handling my financial concerns, I am, as they say, stressed. If I were a guitar string I would be so tight that a gentle pluck would snap me.
That I am actually picking up and leaving my social life is a realization that comes in little waves. I’ll be in my kitchen, thinking I’m fine, pouring coffee, and then discover that I’m sitting down very quickly and my breath is making little gasping noises.
This weekend I packed almost all of my possessions into storage. My walls are achingly empty. My crafts are missing. Can one have a psychic connection to the comfort of things? I barely know who I am without crafts on hand.
I find myself counting the change in my pocket. I catch myself questioning whether to buy food, and have to speak sharply to myself.
I have been thinking about writing here for days. I want to dig into these recent posts and see what I turn up. It keeps not happening. I am too stressed to bring myself to care.
I had a panic attack last night. This will make the second panic attack I’ve had in my life. I know how terrifying they are to watch (from much experience), and I’m sorry for that, my love. I forgot how terrifying they are to have.
I’m calling a break. I’ve tried very hard to keep this blog kink focused. This is not my personal blog, and right now, frankly, my life is inappropriate to be written about here. Bloody Laughter will update regularly again when updating is something I do for pleasure. I feel that at the very minimum, you all deserves that consideration.
In the meantime, I’ll be around. I’m always around. It’s never as bad as it sounds.
Edit: Yes, Maymay will be joining me.
18 Comments
Best of luck Eileen. We will never forget how your advice and example helped our marriage. I hope that you find the peace you are looking for.
I’m moving from London to Atlanta in…sixteen days, and I’m so with you wrt the intermittent crippling panic. And I have, if not a social circle, then the germ of one - I’ve just barely kept in touch with them since 2005 :/ terror, much terror.
Yes. I even know a knower-of-things who, when asked about getting evil spirits out of your home, always recommends that you rearrange your furniture and change the curtains if you possibly can; emotion gets stuck in familiar objects - especially soft ones in the colours that work best for you. Good things and bad things are contextual and habitual.
Best of luck with your move.
Stress at this time is very very normal.
It’s a big (but very good) change and anything like this would have an impact on anyone.
Wait. Am I giving you a pep-talk for a change?
Best of luck to you and Maymay. Even though I’ve only known the two of you for such a short time. You will be missed.
*hugs* That’s a long way to move, and I’m not surprised it’s stressful (I panic moving across town). Still, it will be a real pleasure to have you both down my end of the world.
xx Dee
Ooooh, thats so soon! I’m going to miss you guys. I wish I got to know you sooner.
Sydney in four weeks, wow!
I think the biggest culture shock you will have, is how much we party.
The Coogee Bay Hotel is worth a visit but I’m sure you will be dragged
along to many excellent venues by people you meet.
Hot time of year though? Nice for swimming.
Advance greetings and welcome.
P.S. Please do not fall for the joke about “Drop Bears” (the bigger, meaner, Koala Bear) it is a male ruse to get female tourist’s to have sex with us.
nigel - woah, how does the story of drop bears get female tourists to have sex with you? This I need to know.
As per other comments: being stressed in this situation is absolutely normal. Although not pleasant for you, obviously.
Best of luck with the move - I hope you manage to settle in ASAP.
Best wishes for the move, but, more importantly, for the next four weeks, since I’m sure the move will be fine.
Obviously, I echo Wendy’s sentiment about meeting you sooner.
Panic attacks are horrible. I don’t think I have ever had one, but have seen my share.
I am sure the move itself will go well, but the next 4 weeks will be stressful.
All my best wishes to you and may - return to this when it calls to be returned to.
Best of luck on your move Eileen. Life will settle down and hopefully you will feel the urge to write here again. I look forward to your return.
Letting go of all that you know is the fun of travelling, You soon realise how little you are defined by the things you own but how much you are constrained by them. It ends up being fun to be able to move to a new country and only have the things you can carry, sure you can miss out on somethings but it is up to you to decide when the constant motion stops, I am well qualified to speak about this as I have been moving non-stop since I was 16.
Good luck with your move and have fun!
Can one have a psychic connection to the comfort of things?
…and that’s why I’m not picking up that painting until you’re rolling your suitcases out the door.
I am so going to weep into my cheese fondue. And I have to remember to download Skype, dammit!
OMG Is MayMay going too?
Best of luck. May fortune go with you or with friends.
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Good luck on the move Ellen, wow your moving my way :) You’ll love the place and still have enough of the good weather left to enjoy once your here.
Safe trip and see you Sunday!
Hope you landed solidly.
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