I wouldn’t usually allow myself the indulgence of posting in this blog while completely knackered on wine and Friday night promises. But I am just drunk enough that I’ll let it slide. Just this once.
Here’s what I wanted to say, the thing I probably wouldn’t say without that sweet white wine:
I also have an oral fixation.
May is siting across from me right now in a leather armchair, with his leg stretched out along the beige carpet, and when I look at him I think, “Fuck dominance, fuck dignity, all I want to do is lick my way up the skin of his legs, his hips, his stomach and neck, and sate myself in the texture of his hair. All I want to do is lay him down on our bed and let my mouth go roaming.” My mouth tingles with the thought, his soft, butter-smooth skin catching on my lips, opening to me, offering to me.
His skin is like vanilla ice cream. I look at him and want to eat him up with relish, like a delicacy. Earlier he brought me my wine in a tall water glass, and I pulled him up against the rough fabric of the couch, scraped my teeth over the fleshy head of his cock and tried like hell to ignore how much I wanted to just bite down.
There is a weird fucked up paradox that places want and need in submissive spaces. The part of me that is a drunken, dominant, desperate connoisseur is here to tell you: that is bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. I want May so badly it hurts to look at him. My mouth aches for him. My fingers tingle when I think of touching his velvety, amazing skin.
I want him. Fuck all the shit that says I shouldn’t want, that says I have distance and control. I have no distance. I barely have control. My lips pulse at him, the urgent need to just push him to the floor and devour, to pick him up and curl him in my arms and eat him whole.
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I was going to say something all intellectual and interesting about the sentence in which you say, “There is a weird fucked up paradox that places want and need in submissive spaces,” but I forgot it because instead of commenting I read this entry another five times and all I can think of now is “Guh!”
All I can say is that it would be a shame to be so caught up in your vision of your dominant/submissive dynamic to not be able to take advantage of your insanely beautiful boy when you want to (and he wants to).
And also, why shouldn’t dominant women want? Is that just some weird extension of the fact that _women_ as a gender shouldn’t want? Submissive women aren’t supposed to want either. They’re supposed to need to be taken advantage of. It’s what May is always talking about with the chastity/sex dynamic when you compare male and female submission. The idea that men want too much and have to be controlled whereas women don’t want enough and have to be taken. I cry bullshit. There are certainly women who don’t feel that sort of wanting, but there are men like that too. And then there are women who want constantly, just like the stereotype of a man. Dominant men are supposed to be wanting and taking all the time. Stupid gender based stereotypes for kink roles that should have nothing to do with gender and yet have been utterly corrupted by conventional morals. Part of the advantage of being kinky is that we should be free from some of those out of date gender role expectations, rather than simply further enslaved by them.
LOl he’s a Maymaysicle!
I don’t understand that there is a paradox. Is dominance not the lust for power? Does not power entail possession, of things, of people? Does not possession entail desire?
Can it not be flatly understood that Catherine of Russia wanted the throne? That Zenobia wanted Egypt? That Mary wanted Scotland? That Elizabeth WANTED Mary dead?
What a stupid generalization, to bandy up some ridiculous nurturing sacrificial motif onto the hungry, slavering appetite of a dominant woman. Who created this generalization? Mrs. Grundy?
(See Thomas Morton’s play, Speed the Plow)
For the sake of every power-mad desirous man-flesh owner, Eileen…please WANT everything you could possibly want.
Wow, Eileen – you’ve almost made me want to bite May, as well!
Years ago I read a supposedly true tale on a message board about a prodomme who found one of her clients so hot ‘n’ hunky that she handcuffed him to a bench and went orally crazy on him, eventually ending by making him climax through oral. She apologized to him later, explaining that she found him so attractive that she just decided to do things her way. He was surprised and a bit overwhelmed; he was one of those guys who was convinced that dom women never indulge in their oral fixations, and that oral “worship” was an inherently submissive act.
Go for it, and then tell us where you’ve posted the video.
Hah. I was just telling my liege last night that the thing that really gets me about his choice to exert control is the way that it communicates *want*. And how delicious it is to be desired like that ….
Hell yes. Want desire play yearn. Who cares what camp it lies in. Make your own rules and enjoy them.
Tom, I distinctly hope that that story is untrue. If it is true, I’d want a few more details on what actually happened before passing it off as a casual example of dominant lust and not one of potential sexual assault.
Oh, do I not know that feeling.
Dammit, & I’m home alone tonight.
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