Hmm. Missed a day. Beer and spanking will do that to a person.
A few Mondays ago I was invited to an evening at a prominent sex-toy retail store in Newtown, Sydney’s newest young queer neighborhood. While there I heard one of the organizers of Hellfire speak. To give context, Hellfire appears to be the most visible fetish party in Sydney; everyone I meet asks me if I’ve been yet, and what I think. I usually respond that I haven’t been, because I can’t afford the door fee right now (I’m trying to stick to a $20/day budget) and were I to go it would probably have to be without my partner, because Hellfire sounds like a dance club and Maymay is not a dancer. Also, Hellfire has a dress code, and while some nights I can roll up in black without a second thought, dress codes are simply not our style.
With this in mind, after she finished speaking I raised my hand to ask a question. “You said that you have a dress code to encourage people to dress sexily, and therefore feel freer in a sexual environment. My question is,” and here I tapped my fingers on my kneecap, “what if the kind of dress I think is sexy is not the kind of dress that will pass through your dress code?”
A year ago I would have felt a little guilty for hitting her with that in such a confrontational tone. Now I’m far more invested in the answer. She talked around the question a little, and then graciously suggested that if I have a particular fetish I want to indulge, that I should email her before the next event and she would arrange something at the door. I thanked her, and I may do that. But I have my doubts; I still don’t think they’d let me in.
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Never second guess to that degree. You asked and she seems to be willing to accommodate at most in the end she says no but if she says yes then its all good. And lets be honest your an asset at any party ;-)
It’s not just that. It’s the entire atmosphere. She may be willing accommodate one or two people at the door, but what kind of environment is she perpetuating when someone needs to be nearly apologetic about their fetish? Not the kind of environment I want to play in, frankly.
I can understand your issues with dress codes; but I can also understand the motivation to put in place some way of screening attendees a bit. I’ve nothing against people who come along just to look, but there’s ways and ways of “coming along just to look”, unfortunately. I wouldn’t want to be in a club that has a large number of people who are there to eyeball the “kinky freaks”.
Dresscode currently seems to be the default way of trying to resolve that problem. I suspect in most cases it’s not actually dress code, per se, that is used; it’s the impression that people give, and dress code is a useful proxy for that, or Official Reason to give.
I don’t go to clubs, largely due to the dress code (and a certain ears-laid-back dislike of public sexual displays - I know, I’m too fastidious…). I wonder sometimes what would happen if my husband showed up in his complete fetish gear while I wore one of my tank tops and jeans, or one of my flowing skirts. Would his dress code (which he wears by choice) make up for my lack thereof? And while I understand the need to ‘prove’ my kinkiness through dress, to avoid onlookers, why do I have to prove it on their terms? As you said, what if what I find sexy doesn’t fit their dress code?
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