Sometimes on this blog, sometimes in real life, but most often in emails, IMs, and other types of written conversation, I am very blunt. I have a tendency to shock on purpose, to ask questions I shouldn’t, to put my foot in my mouth. Not with everyone, no. Not here, usually. But sometimes, in certain contexts, with certain others.
In many ways, laying my cards on the table is necessary for me. It’s one way I manage my decisions about other people, and I need the little bit of protection bluntness provides in my relationships. It’s my way of saying, “If you’re going to hurt me, I want to know in advance. In fact, right-the-fuck now, if you please.” But of course I don’t say that specifically. I say other things instead. It’s very late. I’m not sure this post is making sense.
That protection is important because, you see, when I think something’s right I go for it. I almost always make decisions fast, reassess, and think my way back to my first conclusion. When my instinct and my reasoning says that the relationship is good, I am a no-holds-barred, hell-or-high-water, second-date-with-a-Uhaul person. I mentioned in my previous entry that I moved in with May three weeks after we started dating, which was five weeks after we met. To most people, that’s insane. Insanity didn’t occur to me at the time; I just moved in, and three years later, here we are.
And it worked because we knew where we stood, even when where we stood was shaky ground. So in some ways, being as rude, straight-forward, blunt, direct as I am is not just a personality quirk. It’s how I keep my decisions conscious, and how I make connections, and how I learn, and demonstrate, trust.
4 Comments
That’s why I’m right so often. We both have good instincts, I just spend more time between instinct and action than you do.
Impressive. Yes, that is insane — moving in three five weeks after you meet. Wow. Congratulations on knowing exactly what you want.
Also, there’s only one 22 on the number line, and you used it already. ;)
I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one with that instinct- I tend to wait a bit more than eight weeks after knowing the person before making drastic life changes, but give me 4 months and I’m totally there. I always thought it was unhealthy, but I guess you’re right- if everyone knows where they stand, it can make a lot of sense to go for what you know you want.
Being rude and direct? I wouldn’t know anything about that.
But I can see where being brutally honest would save time, making three weeks an eternity, where others might need three years. I’d argue that the same number of hours were involved…when the hours in question include open, honest discussion. Some relationships cannot have an hour like that more often than once every six months. I suspect you and May are able to string together twenty hours, one after another.
Three weeks? Pish. Three weeks is plenty of time when they’re not spent dishing shallow tripe.
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