Comments on: The Price Of Entry

By: Blogging, Exploration, and My Own Apathy « beyond the hills

Blogging, Exploration, and My Own Apathy « beyond the hills — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 01:55:27 +0000

[...] exponentially harder. On the other hand, this City is chock-full of kinky people, but they’re not my kind of people, so it doesn’t really help. When I came here I told myself, “Well at least you’ll [...]

By: A Place To Draw Blood Laughing › The Components Of A Lifestyle

A Place To Draw Blood Laughing › The Components Of A Lifestyle — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:07:00 +0000

[...] « The Price Of Entry [...]

By: Eileen

Eileen — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 16:00:10 +0000

Thene-

Yes! Predominately x, but not about being x. Geek circles have been good to me as well.

I think you’re accurate in saying that this change is connected to my being outed. (Very astute.) I know that the “bottling up” you mention has definitely become more of a concern since then. I’m still sorting out how to deal with that.

subversive sub-
Working out a sliding scale among a group of people as incestuous as the kinky scene I know sounds like a challenge. And that’s putting in mildly. But perhaps a donation system would be more appropriate?

Andrew-
Hi! Thanks for stopping by. I admit, I am new enough that Sydney kink politics escape me, and I’m just fine with that. But your descriptions remind me that in some ways, people are precisely the same all over the world.

By: Andrew H

Andrew H — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:47:26 +0000

I went to a couple of the Sydney play parties (couple of things at the Kirk, one or two more private parties) and what really struck me was how joyless it all looked. Everyone very dressed up, cliques, lots of posing and not much talking. And the politics!

By: subversive_sub

subversive_sub — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:37:58 +0000

Hear hear. This has been one of the major factors that’s kept me from feeling comfortable in public BDSM spaces. I understand the cost of keeping up BDSM clubs (less understandable if events are house parties), but spending $40 on a party or workshop (or more!) is just not realistic for me and my partner. I wish there were more events with a sliding scale or “pay what you can” payment system, so BDSM education and public play wouldn’t be so exclusive. (And really, the focus there is on the “educuation” aspect; much more interested in that than play parties, at the moment.)

By: Thene

Thene — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 22:46:01 +0000

A few years ago I went through a similar process with G&L spaces (they certainly weren’t B or T), only it took me about a fortnight and didn’t cost quite so much. I realised that my desire to meet People Who I Could Be Friends With had no relation to my sexuality, and started moving in geek circles instead. The circle of friends I ended up with was predominantly queer, but not about queer, and that was good. I’ve never really embraced kinky spaces. Better to have friends and to uncover their queer and kinky sides more personally.

Where I used to be willing to manage the social minefield of not knowing anyone on the room, I now feel more comfortable around at least a few people I’m close to.

Connected to the outing, at all? That sort of thing has a way of destroying one’s ability to trust, something that’s important when stepping about a social minefield, I think – not least in kinky spaces, where a lot of people come to express a part of themself they usually feel they have to bottle up.

By: maymay

maymay — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 04:18:11 +0000

It was common for May and I to spend several hours of our time in prep and cleanup and about $100 each time we hosted a party. But we also got a lot of great return on these investments, so we accepted them as the necessary outlay of hosting a great party. But that was our prerogative, and the norm in NYC.

It should also not go without mention that we are thrifty and very resourceful, able to do a lot with a small budget. The fact of the matter is that more can be done than most people realize without huge amounts of cash. All of the parties that I have seen in Sydney (and, interestingly, this is not the case for all of them in NYC) have been specifically designed to be extravagant affairs, purposefully showy with regard to the atmosphere so that it does its damnedest to look pretty, and expensive. Which is a real shame, because that's exactly the kind of look I find least inviting.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 04:13:45 +0000

Patty,
Most parties that charge do so because the owners of the parties are spending a significant amount of time or effort to host the party. Some parties provide food, while other parties are business ventures that expect to support a kinky space or business.

It was common for May and I to spend several hours of our time in prep and cleanup and about $100 each time we hosted a party. But we also got a lot of great return on these investments, so we accepted them as the necessary outlay of hosting a great party. But that was our prerogative, and the norm in NYC.

Tyr-
Let’s talk about it closer to your trip, and maybe just play things by ear. “Worth” is relative, after all.

By: Týr

Týr — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:35:19 +0000

Will it be worth it to go to some kind of scene party when we’re there? Keep in mind that money will be somewhat limited (or at least it should be) for us when we’re there.

By: Patty

Patty — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 01:12:51 +0000

We aren’t able to attend play parties due to there being few by us, but I never understood why there would be an entrance fee. Are the people there that amazing that I must pay for their company? Will the sex there be so life alteringly good that I must shell out? Or perhaps the logistics of throwing a play party is just that expensive, and the entrance fee covers the costs.