Comments on: Dating Guidelines

By: maymay

maymay — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:10:08 +0000

I tend to feel that the problem with guidelines is that the people who need them won’t read them and the people who read them don’t need them.

Funny, that sounds exactly like a very well-known mainstream debate. What was it, again? Oh yeah! It was Digital Rights Management and piracy. ;)

By: subversive_sub

subversive_sub — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:05:51 +0000

I recently printed out that xkcd comic and taped it up next to my computer! I’ve wasted so much time arguing on message boards and listservs that I’m hoping it’ll serve as a good reminder..

By: PantheraPardus

PantheraPardus — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 14:27:27 +0000

See, I’m on Fetlife specifically for idea exchange and social networking. I specifically state on my profile that I’m not looking for anything other than friendship, and so far my wishes have been respected…

Collarme? That place I’ve gotten so many nonsensical one-liners (with a profile that’s worded exactly the same) it’s not even funny. A friend of mine actually has a ‘code word’ about half-way through her profile there: “If you decide to message me, make sure to put [this word] in the header. That way I’ll know you took the time to read my profile, and I’ll take the time to read your message.”. Two-thirds of the private messages she gets don’t have that code word.

And I third the “no-cheaters” clause. That may cut out a good deal of the crap.

By: Rona

Rona — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 13:20:17 +0000

I don’t know. I tend to feel that the problem with guidelines is that the people who need them won’t read them and the people who read them don’t need them. Also, the real ***** will read the guidelines, decide they don’t apply to them because they are too smart, cool, gorgeous, dominant, submissive, whatever… and ignore them anyway.

It’s not that I’m bitter about online dating. I’ve met a lot of lovely people online. It’s just that the sheer volume of idiocy can probably not be tamed by attempts at list induced common sense.

That having been said, I think the one exception to that is the “I will not date you if you are cheating on your spouse/partner” clause. A lot of cheaters don’t understand the difference between cheating and poly and see the fact that you have a partner and are looking for partner as a suggestion that you would be open to being with someone who is cheating.

By: maymay

maymay — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 12:21:49 +0000

I’ve had the following guidelines on (some of) my profiles for a long time now:

Messages from men that contain one-liner, cock-assured egotism get deleted without a second thought. Interacting with overly-presumptuous women who think I should feel privileged to be talking with them is a waste of my time, too.

Talk to me about something engaging: a good book, an old favorite movie, some place you’ve traveled to or would like to visit, SOMETHING that tells me who you are and that makes me want to share who I am with you!

It never actually worked.

By: sera

sera — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 11:59:32 +0000

I also have contemplated some guidelines on my fetlife profile, but I tried to write them down and they sounded INSANE. (That might just be me.)

The more generally applicable problem is that it’s a slippery slope. Because, as I’ve seen at lots of other places, first you write the guidelines. And then you write, “READ THIS FIRST:” in front of them. And then you move the guidelines to the top and write: “IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THIS FIRST DON’T EVEN BOTH ME YOU WORTHLESS WORM.” Although it’s sounds like you’re compassionate enough to leave out the worm part.

For what it’s worth, I would totally date you if I were on the same continent.