Comments on: In Giving Gifts, Attitude > Activity

By: Goose

Goose — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 00:15:07 +0000

Very smart post. My distaste runs along the lines of….wow they didn’t negotiate anything, she’s assuming he’s going to fall for what appeared to me, to be a con of sorts. Anyway, the connection to money and power…spot on. It is so easy to gender code money+woman-man paying for things for promise of sex=whore. I suppose I was guilty of thinking about it that way.
Really the parallel runs more to the idea of abuse or manipulation.
I’ll have to think about this some more.

By: Teresa

Teresa — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 21:36:05 +0000

This was a thought provoking and illuminating post and reading it gave me insight into me. It’s not about money=power=paid services. I think you tapped into a deeper gender/culture/independence struggle that’s new to our society since the rise of feminism.

By: Toni

Toni — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:56:29 +0000

Everyone has an issue with money more or less, I personally have made and lost enough to have a fair amount of disdain for money, I have also been in situations in Africa and Asia where money has lost all value. There is certainly nothing wrong in being a sex-worker, I have known quite a few over the years – decent enough people, but then I was an investment banker trading credit derivatives, so my standards are probably lower than most! I imagine sex work will always be considered dirty by some, maybe most people and I agree that this attitude is wrong.
I think someone else pointed out the expectation that the guy is always paying, even in vanilla relationships is common, it seems odd to me in S&M relationships that the female submissive expects to be financially supported by her dominant partner and that the male submissive feels that he should pay to support his female mistress, but what do I know? Just seems to me its always the guy pulling out the bucks whatever side of the fence he is on. All I am trying to say and its not directed at you is that if something felt unpleasant to me on an emotional level I wouldn’t do it. The days when I had to do things I didn’t want to are long past me.

By: Eileen

Eileen — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:25:38 +0000

Toni-

Er. Point a. being a whore isn’t necessarily bad. But cultural connotations make the sex work profession out to be dirty. Point b. My point in this post is that this attitude is a *problem.* I might have a reason for feeling the way you imply. I don’t think the reason is good.

By: Toni

Toni — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 14:22:38 +0000

If you feel like a whore when you take money or a gift of some dude, there is probably a good reason for it.

By: The Best Sex Bloggers » More Spoiling And Some Toe Curling

The Best Sex Bloggers » More Spoiling And Some Toe Curling — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 14:49:37 +0000

[...] Eileen’s take on the subject makes me wish there were more Eileens in the world. (Stop hogging her Maymay) [...]

By: More Spoiling And Some Toe Curling | Unspeakable Axe

More Spoiling And Some Toe Curling | Unspeakable Axe — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 14:32:58 +0000

[...] Eileen’s take on the subject makes me wish there were more Eileens in the world. (Stop hogging her Maymay) [...]

By: Caracala

Caracala — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:55:22 +0000

I agree with pretty much everything you said. I have no problem with people wanting gifts or being spoiled or any of that stuff. That’s all fine and dandy. It’s that she did it on the first date, then got really upset….and even after he tried to apologize and understand the situation, she just left it entirely. There was no real communication about it beforehand….and there was definitely none after. So yeah, it really is about there not being any real consent….and it obviously left a bad taste in his mouth afterward. It’s frustrating to hear about such interactions.

By: Patty

Patty — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:14:44 +0000

I like how it does boil down to consent. Obviously someone who is not able to afford certain gifts would not consent to purchase them. Perhaps those with shopping kinks should use a safe word?

And I think that my awkwardness is due to our financial backgrounds. I am from money, my husband is not. I don’t want him to feel that he can’t satisfy my needs, whatever they may be.

By: Boston Boy

Boston Boy — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 03:49:13 +0000

I’ll stand by something I’ve said before. I honestly think that financial domination, as a general practice, lends itself to possible abuse more readily than many other activities/types of play. But that doesn’t mean that people into it actually are abusing each other in any way. And you’re sure as hell not. Them’s my unasked for 2 cents.