Comments on: 6. Fuck-Ups Part 1 http://bloodylaughter.com/2008/12/18/5-fuck-ups-part-1/ Sun, 01 Nov 2009 06:41:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: BDSM-related relationship screwups « Clarisse Thorn http://bloodylaughter.com/2008/12/18/5-fuck-ups-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2622 BDSM-related relationship screwups « Clarisse Thorn Fri, 02 Jan 2009 16:18:47 +0000 http://bloodylaughter.com/?p=308#comment-2622 [...] outreach, screwups — Clarisse @ 10:18 am Bloody Laughter has recently started a fantastic series of posts about BDSM screwups, and how it would be helpful if the BDSM community were more willing to talk about the encounters [...] [...] outreach, screwups — Clarisse @ 10:18 am Bloody Laughter has recently started a fantastic series of posts about BDSM screwups, and how it would be helpful if the BDSM community were more willing to talk about the encounters [...]

]]> By: Clarisse http://bloodylaughter.com/2008/12/18/5-fuck-ups-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2568 Clarisse Mon, 22 Dec 2008 08:33:14 +0000 http://bloodylaughter.com/?p=308#comment-2568 I really like this post. But when I tried to write something along similar lines, I found myself having trouble. I find myself scared that I will misrepresent my partner and people will think he failed me. Worse, I find myself scared that I will misrepresent BDSM by portraying a fuckup. That any mistakes I admit to could be used against me by people who think I'm a twisted hurt deviant. Maybe that's why you see so few public posts along these lines. We get smacked down enough by the outside world, we don't want to participate in our own defamation. The quandary reminds me of a documentary I heard of recently, which I am hoping very much to screen in a film series I'm about to run: [ http://www.frameline.org/festival/film/detail.aspx?id=1432&fid=42 ] I really like this post. But when I tried to write something along similar lines, I found myself having trouble.

I find myself scared that I will misrepresent my partner and people will think he failed me.

Worse, I find myself scared that I will misrepresent BDSM by portraying a fuckup. That any mistakes I admit to could be used against me by people who think I’m a twisted hurt deviant.

Maybe that’s why you see so few public posts along these lines. We get smacked down enough by the outside world, we don’t want to participate in our own defamation. The quandary reminds me of a documentary I heard of recently, which I am hoping very much to screen in a film series I’m about to run: [ http://www.frameline.org/festival/film/detail.aspx?id=1432&fid=42 ]

]]> By: A Place To Draw Blood Laughing › 8. Fuck-Ups Part 2 http://bloodylaughter.com/2008/12/18/5-fuck-ups-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2560 A Place To Draw Blood Laughing › 8. Fuck-Ups Part 2 Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:16:28 +0000 http://bloodylaughter.com/?p=308#comment-2560 [...] later, with that same boy, during a scene late at night in my house, a moment of [...] [...] later, with that same boy, during a scene late at night in my house, a moment of [...]

]]> By: Wendy Blackheart http://bloodylaughter.com/2008/12/18/5-fuck-ups-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-2549 Wendy Blackheart Thu, 18 Dec 2008 16:27:42 +0000 http://bloodylaughter.com/?p=308#comment-2549 I think sharing this sort of stuff is a great idea - we always talk about the awesome times, the great scenes, etc, but sometimes, we fuck up. And we learn from those fuck ups. My first big fuck up was in the middle of very intense anal play. My partner *really* liked verbal humiliation. I was getting the hang of it, but I totally said the completely wrong, out of place, not very nice thing, which pushed a button in him the total wrong way, and brought the scene to a screeching halt. It killed the whole scene, and we didn't see each other for about 2 months. While he and I had very sexy times, we were never good at communicating with each other, and I think that night was part of what fucked up our dynamic for the rest of the time we saw each other. I think sharing this sort of stuff is a great idea – we always talk about the awesome times, the great scenes, etc, but sometimes, we fuck up. And we learn from those fuck ups.

My first big fuck up was in the middle of very intense anal play. My partner *really* liked verbal humiliation. I was getting the hang of it, but I totally said the completely wrong, out of place, not very nice thing, which pushed a button in him the total wrong way, and brought the scene to a screeching halt. It killed the whole scene, and we didn’t see each other for about 2 months. While he and I had very sexy times, we were never good at communicating with each other, and I think that night was part of what fucked up our dynamic for the rest of the time we saw each other.

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