But first, it will piss you off.
I asked May last night about the etiquette of linking to opinions you wish to disagree with. His reply was “It’s the Internet. You can do whatever you’d like.”
Yea. Doesn’t that just hit the nail on the head?
john (his capitalization use, not mine) has a great blog. He’s thoughtful, he’s sincere. He and I have some differing opinions, but in general I quite enjoy reading his posts. (He also posts a lot, which is great for keeping me entertained at work.) And he reads this, so I’d like to make it very clear that I quite like him.
But yesterday he approvingly posted a quote. And when I read it and his response to it, I screamed. (Apparently, Elizabeth screamed too.)
I didn’t really get the bitterness. I yell, and I fume, but there’s always been something a bit alien to me about just how bitter May is, or why Bitchy is such a bitch. But guys, I understand now.
Here’s the quote I have a problem with:
You are the male of the future and your message is an important one. The Female Gender is the superior gender. I am not saying males are useless, they are the yin to our yang, but the best male is one who understands his role as helpmate and passive.
Funny how people toss about “superior” without owning up to its binary relationship with the word “inferior.” “Inferior” is such a nasty, tricky word.This is sexism.
Check it out, straight out of the all-knowing Wikipedia: Sexism can refer to . . . different beliefs or attitudes [such as] the belief that one gender or sex is superior to or more valuable than the other.
Many folks seem to think that sexism must necessarily go hand-in-hand with chauvinism, or misogyny, or misandry. Actually, no. Hatred is not a prerequisite for sexism. You can say you love and respect men in their inferior status, and you’re still sexist. A lack of hatred is not a mitigation.
Still others think that since culturally women have been getting the short end of the stick since god-knows-when, espousing a doctrine of female superiority isn’t sexist; it’s payback. Well, there’s a word for that too: reverse sexism. Notice how the word “sexism” still exists in that phrase.
And hey, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t happen to think sexism is okay. Neither, might I add, does the U.S. Government.
Perhaps you would like to live in a world in which we are not all created equal, or in which there are no efforts made to protect the human rights of certain groups. But this is not that world. This world is fucked up and twisted about and still suffering massively under the influence of people who believe in the superiority or inferiority of generic characteristics in their fellow human beings. One of the things you do not have, as a random Internet voice, is the authority to include me in your world view. And one thing you shouldn’t be doing is allowing philosophies that promote violations of human rights to be approved, respected, or used to represent the opinions of a larger community.
Here is how that quote could have been written in such a way that I would have no problem:
You are the male of my future and your message is an important one to me. I consider myself superior to you. I am not saying you are useless, you are the yin to my yang, but the best male you can be for me is one who understands his role as helpmate and passive.
That? If she wrote that to me, or May, we’d both still find it offensive as hell. But that’s a personal matter. Excluding generalizations makes that a personal comment, which means it’s no one’s business except the person who wrote it and the person who’s receiving it. A generalization covers more ground than you think. It covers every woman, and every man, and every space. Your method of anonymous communication via the Internet does not excuse generalizations.
In the privacy of your own home you’re welcome to say anything you like. You can say that Jews have horns, or that men are pigs, or that French people smell bad. You can say that one gender is superior to another.
But I’m here to tell you, anonymity and privacy are not the same thing. The Internet is a public forum. Which means you are espousing a public opinion. Which means you are promoting sexism in a public space. You’re just wearing a mask to do it.
Can we think of any other examples of rhetorics of group superiority being espoused from behind the supposedly untouchable comfort of anonymous masks?
Saying that you’d like to be superior/inferior to a specific man/woman in a certain context is something ya’ll can work out for yourselves. (Yes, I’m even okay with the word “superior” in certain, pre-negotiated relationships.) But the minute you generalize it to include people you don’t know, the minute you say it in a public space, you are espousing a sexist philosophy of life. You say it on the Internet as though this space exists only in a fantasy realm. As though the online world is an extension of your bedroom. Or maybe you think that speaking to a sympathetic audience excuses the offense your opinion gives to those outside your audience.
Say it in your workplace, and you’d be fired. Say it in a non-anonymous public forum, and maybe you’d get sued for your trouble. That’s the trouble with generalized philosophies of superiority; in the real world, practicing them is illegal.
Don’t delude yourself. Maybe there are fewer consequences here, but this space is not an extension of your bedroom.
Maybe you happen to think sexism is okay. Maybe you love the idea of being dominated and inferior, or dominating and superior. Y’know what? Great! Fine. Your rights are your own. Give them away, exchange them with your partner, do whatever you’d like with them.
But the second you generalize your opinion of superiority or inferiority, you include others. If you say women are superior, you include me. If you say men are inferior, you include May. You are fucking with our rights, and our status, and our place. You are spreading propaganda about us.
And you do not negotiate my rights.
